it’s the Hollyoaks Hunks calendar 2011!

The Hollyoaks Hunks calendar is something of a British institution, so we thought we’d guide you through this year’s celebration of pecs, abs and baby oil:

You can picture the scene. Darren is carrying out male grooming activities in his elegantly tiled bathroom, dressed in naught but a little towel. Then. He hears a noise. What’s that? He turns. Ooh, camera. *Click*. A magnificent photo is born.

bathroom encounter

Oh my. Pass the smelling salts.


Hello little boy, would you like to see some puppies? Bart inspires the groomer in all of us.


The Hutch in a pool covered in baby oil is SIMPLY WRONG.


A post coitus Gilly. Salty.

need a shower

Note to self: Look at his face. Look at his FACE.


We can only assume that Rhys’s spindly little body was not considered Hollyoaks Hunks calendar calibre:


Since he has literally done jack all since his arrival in the village, we are assuming Riley‘s sole purpose in Hollyoaks is to appear in the calendar:

hello my name is Riley. i do fuck all except look hot

Isn’t Gaz not in it any more? Isn’t this cheating?

chav totty

Who is this person with the bulbous musculature and tiny head. WHO IS HE?

qui est lui?

Clearly they couldn’t get enough of Gilly this year. Fair enough.


And finally, Ste. We are guessing this picture is supposed to be sexytimes, but we cannot shake the suspicion that he has been shackled to a radiator in a cellar and waterboarded. Probably by Brendan

help me!

And so it’s over for another year. We need a bit of a lie down now.

7 responses to “it’s the Hollyoaks Hunks calendar 2011!

    • hi pirky boy

      we’re assuming you’re referring to mysterious bulbous muscle man. he turned out to be logan, a copper with an odd tendency to hang around with samurai sword weilding cage fighters and gang raping footballers. he appeared in Hollyoaks Later 2010 in order to provide a McQueen Love Interest, which we believe each Hollyoaks storyline is contractually obliged to do.

      In this instance it was theresa mcqueen who was being serviced – though not too much as she was heavily pregnant and soon went into labour, presumably because the soon to be angel kathleen couldn’t bear to hear any more of their mawkish romancing.

      Alas, though he was present at the birth and heroically offered to support theresa and her spawn, the NEVER. ENDING. WHO. KILLED. CALVIN. PLOT. decreed that coppers and mcqueens shall forever more be star cross’d lovers. at least, until that plot is resolved anyway. which is looking like NEVER.

      And with that, logan was gone.

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