the hollyverse
As we all know, Hollyoaks exists in its own wonderful parallel dimension – just like our dimension, yet turned up to 11. Here is our guide to all you need to know about the ‘Oaks…
Annual cull
Once a year, Hollyoaks does a spring clean and kills off several of its characters, usually in some kind of explosion or car accident, the classic example being the explosion at The Dog that managed to wipe out Sam the rohypnol rapist, two students and both of Justin’s twin sisters – now that’s what we call efficiency!
Barrenness
The flipside to superfertility (see below), the Hollyverse decrees that should any bad luck befall you during pregnancy, be it a miscarriage or being pushed down the stairs by your psychotic secret half brother, you shall thus be BARREN for the rest of eternity.
Close talking
If you have something important to say then you had best say it within a few inches of someone’s face. Chester’s most prolific close talker is of course Warren, who presumably needs to speak in such close proximity or else no one would be able to hear his whispering. Other close talkers of note are Frankie, Eli and the sadly deceased Nige.
Drugs are bad mmm’kay
Take drugs and you will end up a homeless, incontinent, pasty-skinned, penniless gollum-alike selling your arse for heroin and, worse still, dressing like a Pete Doherty tribute act. Don’t do it kids!
The end bit
The scene at the end of the closing credits can be amazing/infuriating – as usually you have stayed around to watch it even though you need to go to the loo. Sometimes it features a key plot or character development. Sometimes it’s a fart joke. That’s the risk you take.
Family trauma
A Hollyoaks tradition: introduce a new, seemingly happy and normal family and then proceed to kill them off one by one or at least subject them to the most miserable lives possible. Mwah ha haaa!
Film student moment
Every now and then Hollyoaks does something crazy – a dream sequence, a musical number, slo-mo, a montage, a Hitchcockian reverse-zoom dolly… and we suspect they have let their film student intern loose with the camera and editing suite. Yay!
Gratuitous nudity
Well, semi-nudity at least. With a cast as finely formed as Hollyoaks, sometimes there needs to be very little reason for them to get their kit off. Not that we are complaining.
See all posts about gratuitous nudity>>>
OMG moment
When something so unexpected/shocking/insane has happened that you actually gasp ‘oh my god!’ and immediately text your friends about it.
The omnibus
The T4 sunday omnibus of the ‘Oaks is something of a british institution. Nothing soothes a hangover better than three hours of Hollyoaks. Fact.
See all posts about the omnibus>>>
Randomness
Hollyoaks is the randomest of all the soaps, perhaps of all TV programmes ever. Where else would you get film student moments, imaginary friends, sister shagging, fart jokes, rubbish social workers, gratutious nudity, scary police officers and Darren?
Ratboys
Chester is heavily populated by skinny, feral, rodent-featured young men (see Ste, John-Paul, Darren, Rhys, Fletch etc), the polar opposite of the likes of Warren and Calvin. Maybe its something in the water.
See all posts about ratboys>>>
Sign language lady
On our screens every sunday morning during the T4 hollyoaks omnibus, sign language lady has the enviable job of expressing the high drama of the ‘Oaks through the medium of sign language. She almost makes us wish we were deaf.
The spin-off
Now that the ‘Oaks is a five day bohemoth, the spin-off is sadly a thing of yesteryear. We only have happy memories of what manifested itself in three ways: the spin-off video (Remember Hollyoaks: Off On One on VHS?!); the ‘late night’ Hollyoaks that usually featured mild swearwords like ‘shit’ and ‘bum’ and at least one rape; the spin-off series such as Hollyoaks: Movin’ on and Hollyoaks in the City…did the world really need a whole series about Ben and Lisa?!
Super-fertility
It is a law of the Hollyverse that no one can have casual, underage or extra marital sex without getting pregnant immediately (see Amy, Cindy, Tina and Mercedes).
See all posts about the Hollyverse>>>
