Posts Tagged ‘rhys’
August 20, 2010
Soooo Hollyoaks. Hollyoaks. Hollyoaks. Hollyoaks. Sometimes you can be amazing, sometimes not so much. Or sometimes you have dull-as storylines about fashion shows and runaway families but with flashes of pure gold, like this week:
GOLD!
The somewhat inexplicable theft of the McQueen’s housefull of tat was not a one off – turns out Brendan is a bit of a villain, especially if his threatening of Ste is anything to go by. Except. We are struggling to take him seriously. Not with that moustache. He says or does something menacing. But then we see it. It’s like its watching us.
GOLD!
Who’s the biggest pouter in Hollyoaks? First up we have kickboxing epic whinger Jem, who recounted past horrors of crippled boyfriends whilst pouting at Carl for 20 minutes:
Newcomer Gabby says very little (although when she does it is incomprehensible scouse). Instead she merely pouts in Tony’s general direction.
In the U18 category we have scowling whingebag Anita. The wind changed so she stayed like that.
GOLD!
Look at this picture. Everything about it is made of wrong. Yet it’s so right.
Which brings us to Eva. Until now, this lion-toothed skank annoyed the tits off us. This week however, we realised what an astounding human being she actually is. That she survived birthing Anita is proof enough, but this week she displayed epic levels of brilliance – no bottle of wine was left un-necked, no roast dinners unburnt and her parenting skills were second to none: not only did she dress Anita in stolen goods, she injected a spot of incestfest fun into the Roy household by shagging Ravi.
O. M. G.
Telling a justly horrified Anita about it was a stroke of genius. Ravi is clearly smitten. As are we. And we’ve deffo seen her before:
Eva:
Marsha from Spaced:
GOLD!
As they heart to hearted for what seemed like centuries, Carl and Jem demonstrated some ambitious standing moodily:
The reverse stance:
The rarely seen ‘twist manoeuvre’:
Outstanding.
GOLD!
Sponsor-of-Hollyoaks Nikon Coolpix clearly knows where the party’s at:
GOLD!
After Mr Roy and Nev, we have a new scary faced man in the village – Phil, the shouty cockerney estranged hubby of Gabby.
*hides behind settee*
GOLD!
quotes:
“For the record, I’d never sleep with a blood relative” Eva sets the record straight.
“He’s only human, love. I mean, look at me”. Girl’s got a point. Eva defends Ravi’s tupping of her.
“All brothers sleep with their sister’s mums, don’t they?”, an outraged Anita has clearly forgotten that this is Hollyoaks.
“I can tell your weasel voice anywhere” Michaela to Rhys.
“You were only a rebound from Gilly anyway” *flounces out*. Jem hometruths on learning of Ravi’s Eva shaggage.
“Nobody turns this down” Mitzeee, after Carl turns that down. Error, Carl, error (see below)
in other news
Steph decides to ‘give something back’ following her cancer ordeal. This may end up being a musical or a sponsored walk. Shutting TFU would be more aggreeable; after he served some smoothies to some tarts in Mobs, we are starting to wonder if Louie is a ghost afterall? If he isn’t, consider us proper vexed; hot on the heels of the Costellos, another new family hit the village in the form of Gabby’s teenage sprogs and scary hubby (see above). So that we remembered the names of said sprogs, their names were REPEATED. A. LOT. REMEMBER. THEIR. NAMES. BITCH (they’re called Amber and Taylor – hey, it worked); Tony is a dunker; Theresa totters around all week with a baby bump and heels; FFS - we spoke too soon last week – Malachy is still around and newbie Lyndsey blatantly wants a bit of the HIV flavoured romancer. We predict a tug of love with Cheryl. Like Brandy and Monica via B*Witched; Heidi pimps out her plank son to win the fashion show storyline – Riley in teeny tiny pants…we like; there is a spectacular awkward turtle moment when Mitzeee reveals her Carl shaggage at the fashion show storyline; for reasons unknown (because we missed half of the episode), Michaela now has pink hair.
Despite all the Au on display this week loses points for there being no Darren or Duncan.
Tags:ste, rhys, steph, michaela, malachy, ravi, nev the racist dad, stereotypes, b*witched, cheryl, anita, spaced, standing moodily, hometruths, eva, carl, mitzeee, brendan, louie the ghost, carl costello, moustache, pouting, gabby, marsha from spaced, nikon, amber, taylor, lyndsey, brandy and monica, riley, fashion show storyline, gold
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July 25, 2010
OMG. So, we had forgotten about the end of last week’s Hollyoaks where stern faced detective lady casually mentioned that the unjustly banged up Kyle Ryder had accused Theresa of killing Calvin. Surely gurning dullard Carmel would never believe such wild accusations about her own kith and kin? Wrong. And what resulted was the most awesome McQueen showdown EVER – a hometruths fest where all kinds of shit hit the fan, Theresa, Mercy and Jacqui were truly dropped in it and Carmel turned bad ass, armed with a deathstare and a deadline for when she hands Theresa over to the law.
Effing brilliant – we urge you to watch it right now.
footballers wives and other relatives
The lord gives as he takes away, so after the Ashworth’s sold up and headed for sunny spain, we welcomed the Costellos. Headed by weasel faced patriarch ex-footballer Carl, with brassy WAG missus Heidi (who has VERY-WIDE-EYES) and two plank sons (Riley and the other one) in tow, they brought a touch of News of the World glamour to the village and – who would have thunk it – it turns out Carl is actually karate kicking minx Jem’s dad.
Though Jem was initially unimpressed with her previously bad boy dad’s arrival, they were soon bonding via family fajita fun. “This happiness won’t continue” observed Mr WLH wisely.
b-b-b-bonkers
Oh, Loretta. How we love thee.
Everything you do to torment Jake is genius – planting vandalised photos on him, sending ominous texts to yourself from his phone, loitering menacingly in alleyways (left) – all the while your little pudding face the picture of innocence.
We so want you to get away with it.
Sadly, your evil schemes may be under threat. Firstly, there’s Jake succumbing to your wild eyed charms. Has he genuinely been bullied into being your boyfriend again or could he be about to turn the tables on you, the messee becoming the messer? (let’s face it though, this is Jake we are talking about here, a man who could be outwitted by a golf club so probs not). Worse yet is that Nancy is now in your case. Little Miss Marple via the Pipettes, there isn’t much that gets past Nancy’s nebby nose, so you soon find yourself well and truly sussed. And then we will cry.
Until then though, Loretta, shine on you crazy diamond.
welcome to the lion’s den, temptation’s on its way
Rhys and Duncan turfed out of The Dog following the arrival of the Costellos, they promptly descended on the pink palace to cohabit with Darren. Lucky beggars. Soon enough there were house rules about who gets to use the sofa, poo soiled toilets and kimono shrinkage mishaps. Basically the most fun house EVER. We want to live there please.
because she’s worth it
Bursting ass first (see below) into the village, Cheryl Cole lookalike Mitzeee was the 2nd new arrival of the week. Let down by her backing dancers Jean Claude and Dion, she had soon enlisted Darren and Rhys to be the topless, gold lame clad backing dancers for her odd act which seemed to involve assaulting middle aged women with a super soakers in The Loft. She was then revealed to be the mutinous fancy woman of Carl Costello. Yay! Looks like Mr WLH might be right…
quotes
“What – you and Calvin? -” <to Theresa> “- and you and Calvin?” <to Mercy> Myra is saddened to learn the truth of the McQueen’s man-sharing ways.
“I’m more sane now than I’ve ever been” really, Jake? REALLY?
“As long as its not vampires or apocalyptic doom I’m there”, Eva’s cinema choices are somewhat limited. The Human Centipede mebees?
“‘I’m king. End of.” Rhys asserts his authoritar. <em>prick</em>.
gratuitous tits and ass shots
T&A has been somewhat lacking in Hollyoaks for a while, so we are happy to report that it got fully back on track this week with various Hollyoaks characters flaunting their bountiful wares:
Ravi’s abs
Mercy’s arse
Mitzeee’s arse
yum. We hope to erase the sight of Rhys’ spindly little body in gold lame pants from our memories as soon as humanly possible.
in other news
After the McQueen showdown, Mercy avoids an ass kicking by running off with that eejit Mal; Awwwww x 1,000, 000: Darren attempts to bond with Jack by aquiring a dog called Barry; As we predicted a couple of weeks ago, romance (or rather shagging on the kitchen floor) blossomed between Ravi and Jem; random brand watch: Hey Today – sleb magazine featuring Carl and Heidi, Spread – ‘specialist’ magazine starring Mitzeee; Chester Herald headlines: Local MP quizzed on heritage site plans; Summer pop gets the go head (this one has been previously seen); DARREN WEARS A HAWAIIAN SHIRT!!!; we hadn’t noticed that Cheryl went to Calvin’s funeral dressed a whore; COUGAR ALERT: a perma tanned Val Valentine returns to the village and her abandoned, blood clotted daughter
Tags:rhys, darren, carmel, random brands, the dog, theresa, loretta, the mcqueens, jake, chester herald, jem, random brand watch, eva, the costellos, carl, heidi, mitzeee, news of the world, mr WLH, hey today, spread, the human centipede
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July 13, 2010
Before we go into 
what was a vintage week for Mr Ryder, we must first voice our UTTER DISMAY and DISGUST that he has been wrongly arrested for the murder of Calvin. This is clearly a travesty of justice and a symptom of Broken Britain. We shall be lobbying for the Home Secretary to intervene.
Prior to this, he tore a peroxided trail of terror through the village: threats of arson, stealing Anita (though sadly returning her), sending threatening texts, kicking open the Mcqueen front door like a europop ninja, shouting A LOT, suffering the indignity of his ass being kicked by Myra (for shame) and getting the truth of Calvin’s murder out of Theresa by simply screaming in her face.
His most heinous deed, however, was the wanton destruction of Queenie McQueen’s family heirlooms. Ceramic dog limbs littered the McQueen home like a Poundland slaughter house and only Buster, the favourite dog, survived the massacre. A scene we will take with us to our graves. Kyle Ryder, a top class villain.
in other news
After an initially off-piste strategy of kidnapping/sleep watching Steph, the magnificently bonkers Loretta switched to a truly excellent game plan of invoking sympathy via suspect tales of being nonced by a piano teacher and planting seeds of doubt about Jake’s – admittedly questionable – grip on reality. Cannot wait to see what she has up her sleeve next. Literally.
After a tenure that featured incest, anorexia, drink driving and frightening faces, we bid adios to the Ashworths. To be fair to Nev, calling time on the village when losing his missus to Darren proved too much to tolerate is understandable, but why Suzanne would opt for her barnacle faced hubby over a resplendently string vested Mr Osborne is a complete mystery. Women eh? PS we thought their initial threat to leave Josh behind was proper harsh, but not as harsh as their decision to take Duncan against his will. Luckily, like the world’s chubbiest homing pigeon he found his way back. TFFT.
There were two distinct outbreaks of weird behaviour in the village this week (well, weirder than usual):
passive aggressive snack punishments: Darren was denied a croissant by Suzanne, Mal refused to make Mercy a sandwich
inexplicably rapid forgiveness for fairly heinous acts: following his shock admission that he stitched Josh up by spiking his drink, Rhys was let off the hook with a hug from both Josh and Nev (we’re assuming that anything that doesnt involve him shagging an immediate relative is regarded as a win); after Spencer (who we’d forgotten was still in it, that’s how much we’ve missed him) let the cat out of the bag about his and Lauren’s (non existent) love child, Sasha was surprisingly quick to let her little sis off the hook – afterall, she whinged the ear off Calvin for about a month when she found out about his involvement in Warren’s death. Lauren should count herself lucky she got that blood clot on the brain.
Speaking of Lauren and her blood clotted brain, this put an end to the Valentine’s family trip to Benidorm but did result in a fairly spectacular awkward turtle moment at Calvin’s funeral where she hobbled around, hometruthing loudly and eventually knocked over the coffin. Great stuff.
other in other news
Darren sniffs around newly minted Cheryl; the word on the street is that Cheryl kissed a girl and she liked it; random brand watch: Josh enjoys a can of Mistral beer; pre blood clot/funeral dramas Leo tries to move his daughters’ grieving process on a step by providing a CD called Groovy Grieving (lead track: don’t worry be happy); Jack is caught fingering Cheryl’s knickers and making unintentional housework-related double entendres: “I was just looking for someone to put my plug” etc; Cheryl wants to buy The Dog, as does Jack. Cheryl isn’t skinted though; Cindy and Tony get the world’s quickest divorce
Theresa demonstrates the three expressions required to flog tat on the Antiques Roadshow:
The ‘I don’t care how much it costs’ look:
The ‘It can’t it really be worth that much but I still don’t care how much it costs’ look:
The ‘I though it were worth half a million and not 20p’ look:
Amazing.
quotes
“Me and Lauren are the only family you have left”, Leo scares the bejesus out of Sasha, forgetting his two remaining sons (Danny and Sonny anyone?)
Tags:rhys, Josh, random brand beer, lauren, random brands, nev the racist dad, theresa, sasha, loretta, cheryl, spencer, leo, duncan, suzanne, kyle ryder, the passive aggressor, broken britain, awkward turtle, buster the ceramic dog, antiques roadshow, poundland
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July 6, 2010
After last night’s yawnfest, there was much to love about tonight’s E4 first look:
- Darren wandering round in his kimono and some socks
- the Valentines living in squalor (despite poor Cheryl’s unappreciated hoovering), Leo necking Weisbrau in the middle of the day
- a mildly amusing subplot where Dave tries to scam Tony and Ste at Il Gnosh but is outwitted via a pepsi challenge featuring Vino Collapso random brand plonk (£1.99 from Drive n Buy) and is thusly black listed from every eating establishment in the North West. Tony has that kinda power you see.
- 1 rosette in the Chester and North Wales Good Food Directory, 1 Golden Pickle Award from the Chester Herald – the plaudits for Il Gnosh are from the upper echelons of culinary opinion
- Chester’s answer to Austin Powers, one chromosome short of a human sunbed – Nev’s not entirely inaccurate description of Darren
- confusion – hadn’t Suzanne already fessed up to her Darren shaggage? Nevertheless, Nev turfed her right out on her ear
- “the big O guarantees 100% satisfaction” Darren bigs up his sexual prowess. Oh my.
- oven chips and a tub of ice cream from Drive n Buy – Darren’s idea of a healthy dinner
- the SATC theme tuned end bit
- the revelation that Rhys prefers his mum being shagged by Darren than living with Nev. Fair enough.
- Rhys’ revelation of Darren’s mahoosive tactical error – he will never get the Dog now that he’s shagged Nev’s missus. Oh dear oh dear
- odd 1980s cop show background music to Sasha and Lauren’s heart to heart. All a bit Midnight Caller
and finally
LORETTA IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And dressed as a french sex worker too, legs akimbo, vag a-beckoning Jake. Yay, may the mad times roll.
Tags:chester herald, darren, dave, drive n buy, end bit, il gnosh, loretta, midnight caller, nev the racist dad, pepsi challenge, random brands, rhys, SATC, suzanne, the dog
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July 5, 2010
So Hollyoaks didn’t particularly inspire us today, though we did notice how much Theresa resembles a mogwai.
mogwai
theresa
remember: never feed after midnight.
in other news
busted – Myra finds out about Theresa’s bunned oven; presumably turfed out by Tony following last week’s unacknowledged divorce request, Cindy is now shacked up with Darren and his kimono. Where poor long-suffering Holly is we know not; poor Gaz is abandoned by Lauren. Betch; the MILF is spotted bootie texting Darren. Wouldn’t we all?; Steph continues to milk being a cancer sufferer, guilt tripping Rhys (of all people) into being part of her X-Factor double act:”a cross between the Ting Tings and Same Difference” she trilled. A brother and sister double act? With Rhys? Is that wise?
quotes
“He might be a lot of things but he’s not a racist” Lauren fails a basic reality check re. Gaz.
BEST BIT
Cindy catches Suzanne and Darren in bed. Cue Darren’s massive shit eating grin. Utter ledge.
Tags:rhys, steph, darren, cindy, theresa, suzanne, mogwai, the ting tings, same difference, gremlins
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March 15, 2010
We couldn’t go on without referencing the mooted culling of not one but SIXTEEN Hollyoak’s residents:
Josh, Suzanne and Nev the racist dad: we’ve known about this for some time and have come to terms with the fact that Rhys is staying. In a way we applaud such an audacious move – really, would any soap get rid of a sexual deviant like Rhys? We think not.
The Valentines – including Sasha , Lauren and Leo and, obvs, Calvin is shot down in his prime when the flashforward becomes flashpresent in may: fair dues, they’ve done jack all of interest for years – even Sonny has defected to Eastenders.
Zack: Aww. Shame.
Spencer: ABOUT EFFING TIME
Archie: Nooooo!
Jake and Loretta: yes please
Newt: without Eli he’s nuffink. So yes. But could we keep Eli? Imagine it: an imaginary friend, who exists without the person who imagines him? HOW AMAZING would that be?
Dave: can he take India and Charlotte with him?
Des: we were starting to really like him. Poor old Jacqui, left on her tod again.
Kris: the ‘Oaks will be a duller place without his barbs and eyeliner. Error.
So, our faves (ie Darren, swoon, Cheryl, the Hutch, etc) appear to be safe, but we feel there is a certain lack of ambition – there are no big names – NO MCQUEENS!!!! WTF!?!!? – and none of the above sound like annual culls (unless the Valentines are wiped out in a freak windsailing accident? The Ashworths commit mass suicide?), so its all a bit… non, really.
Ah well. At least Darren is safe.
ps – could one of the above be the Calvin shooter?
Tags:rhys, newt, Josh, eli, calvin, annual cull, kris, nev the racist dad, archie, zack, sasha, loretta, spencer, jake, spring cull, dave, Des, the valentines, suzanne, eastenders
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March 13, 2010
Yaaright? The rest of this article will be written in the voice of Carla from Corrie. Because we love her.
So, the final two episodes of these week’s Hollyoaks presented us will all sorts of moral quandaries and ethical dilemmas:
save your baby brother from mental/spiritual collapse by fessing up to spiking his OJ?
yes, the latest Ashworth crisis rumbles on. But while Rhys did his worried/constipated face at the sight of Josh’s life imploding, his bro’s rather amusing random brand beer-fuelled camera-breaking rampages and hometruthing suddenly became less of an issue when India rocked up with a journalist, intent on making Rhys’ heroic rescue of her front page news. Which she did. Behold the horror of Rhys’ unpleasant leer on the front of the Chester Herald.
be happy for your friend’s new-found happiness with exotic toothy hottie, or instead try to steal him for yourself?
Just why exactly are we supposed to be rooting for Steph? Her mission to chisel Gilly away from Jem reeks of bad sportsmanship and besides – we like Jem, she is hot and she selflessly gave Tom the shark tooth/amazon tat given to her by Gilly. Despite her rival’s obvious credentials as a better human being, Steph continued to play the friend card in order to spend time with Gilly (smug cow alert: fluorescent clementine as she texts Having a great time with Gilly to Cheryl).
Happily, her holier than thou attitude was royally smacked down after she had a go at Jem for a (admittedly risky) cheer-up-Cindy-with-a-mothers-day-card-from-Tom strategy. Cue much Mancunian rage from Gilly and Steph’s new nose put thoroughly out of joint. YES!
spend £2k on your neglected children and babydaddy or blow it all on a slag holiday with your mates?
This actually wasn’t much of a dilemma for our Amy, the dosh sent to her by the DILF lavished on Sasha and Michaela almost as soon at it arrived. To be fair to the 2×2, it’s not so much a slag holiday (despite Michaela’s pleas for Shagaluf and the like) as a trip to Eurodisney with the kids in tow, complete with a pre-hol piss up on white wine and a cat-death awful/brilliant karaoke version of Kaiser Chief’s Ruby, but hats off to her for such a flagrant disregard for sensible thing such as ISAs, trust funds etc. Props to her also for being the only person to take pity on Josh, offering him a place to stay (much to Ste’s chagrin). You aren’t all bad Amy. Looking good too.
support your friend’s newly elected position as student warden, or thoroughly sabotage it?
HILARITY as Charlotte resolutely opts for the latter, making Dave’s first and last day as warden something of a nightmare via fake dead rates, klaxons and shit filled toilets.
in other news
Darren (swoon) wear’s a fetching white jacket, plus have you ever noticed how dashing he is in the opening sequence?; Cindy still goes for the slap-less/croydon facelift look; where the f*ck is Holly? Bored now!
quotes
“this story could go national!” trills posho journo trollop re Rhys’ rescue of India. Slow news week then?
“I am in awe of him” India on Rhys. One word. Can you guess what it is?
that’s all for now. ta ra.
*clacks off down the road in a slag heels for a G&T*
Tags:Amy, carla, charlotte, chester herald, corrie, dave, eurodisney, gilly, jem, Josh, random brand beer, rhys, ruby, shit filled toilets, slag holidays, steph, steph smug cow alert
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March 8, 2010
whoo, a double bill of ch4 and E4…is there a better way to start the week?
well, yeah – probs, as it was a case of two non episodes in a row.
The highlight, if you could call it this, was the return of Gilly. Looking rather swoonsome wethinks. He brightened our day in two ways: being the only person to tell Josh to man up and start sticking up for himself; shutting down Steph big time in favour of exotic suspected lesbian hottie Jen. Hooray! Btw, how many times has Gilly been engaged now? Like, three? He is clearly vying the Hutch’s king of serial monogamy crown.
beyond rhyson
the spectacular (if ultimately disappointing due to lack of deaths) drunk-but-not-really car crash must have messed with India’s brain big time. Not only is she instigating tedious subplots (see below), she is now seeing Rhys (RHYS?!) in ethereal, harp-soundtracked vision and now wants a bit. One word: ew. (ps, loved Darren’s leer as he walked past them. swoon).
steph smug cow alert
mauve – when smoothied in the face/overlooked by Gilly; amber – when out to steal Gilly from Jen with a nefarious plot to frame Cheryl as a secret Gilly torch-holder.
random brand watch:
charlotte enjoys soft porn magazine Ripple
in other news
after fisticuffs with Nev and other such strops, Josh decides to fight for his innocence; as if last week’s Sheila HILARITY wasn’t enough, Dave and Charlotte are now locked in comedic battle to become student warden. Thanks for that, India; even though the 2×2 claims to want to slut around, Ste and Amy bond via domestic bliss and projectile vomiting.
Tags:ste, rhys, gilly, steph, Josh, dave, charlotte, india, steph smug cow alert, ripple, jen
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March 6, 2010
You’ve got to hand it to the McQueens, despite being the screechiest, chavviest harpies ever committed to screen they’ve certainly got a way with the fellas. Pioneers of the treat ‘em mean keep ‘em keen school of romancing, they inflict no end of misery and humiliation on their other halves, who lap it up and beg for more like betches.
The latest tormented suitor is none other than linguistically challenged Des who, despite being falsely accused of noncery by Theresa and thusly dumped by Jacqui, was still pining for a bit of love declaration from his scally paramour.
Jacqui, you see, suffers from love declaration impotence – a rare condition that renders the sufferer unable to express their feelings and instead must stomp around the village dressed as a reasonably priced prostitute.
Luckily for our Jacqui, Des is a patient man and he occupied himself with t-zone facial masks and offering Jacqui barely comprehensible geordie words of wisdom (see below). This strategy paid off as Jacqui managed to get it up, so to speak, and declared her feelings for him (‘love ya, yer dozy pillock’ ).
Awww. And about bloody time.
in other news
We ended the week with Holly is still missing and Cindy and Tony’s marriage continues to implode; Mercy jealously trashes Carmel’s slutty underwear; the judiciary system closes in around Josh (terrible hair btw), as Rhys looks guiltily on; Elliot and Dave are both twats; Sheila and her New Look trousersuit are headhunted by a call centre in Cardiff.
quotes
“I’ve got to hear you say it, I’ve got to see you hear you say it” epigrammatic wisdom from Des.
that’s it for the week. toodles.
Tags:mercedes, rhys, jacqui, Elliot, holly, dave, Des, des the geordie teacher, sheila, love declaration impotence, new look trouser suit
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February 21, 2010
Rhys=hero bro
Rhys is displaying an admirable dedication to his quest to become the most despicable human being to ever grace the world of soap. His latest heinous deed was to spike Josh’s drink with vodka in a bid to sabotage his burgeoning romance with India, and then, when said spikeage lead to Josh inadvertently drink driving and almost killing most of his friends, Rhys thoroughly failed to fess up and save Josh’s ass.
That said, the drink driving carnage was worth it Hollyoaks blowing what surely must be its special effects budget for the whole of 2010 on a spectacular (yet sadly non fatal) car crash/explosion, soundtracked with how soon is now by The Smiths.
Way cool.
So, Josh is now a pariah whilst Rhys was hailed as a hero. Hats off to the perverted one, hats off.
boo hiss
We said goodbye to skank mum Kath, who, having got a credit card in Tina’s name (rather enterprising we think), was thusly run out of town by an outraged Jacqui and Myra. Shame.
MYEYES
The most horrific sight to offend our eyes in a looong time: a disturbing sex fantasy in which Duncan imagines Mrs Ashworth dressed as a slutty nurse, feeding him whipped cream and strawberries in a provocative manner. Incest, cougars, food stuff. *VOMS*.
random brand watch
A pissed Nancy chows on Choco Bong Flakes in the Drive’n'buy; Duncan consults random brand search engine Swoosh for what to do in the event of your best friend being a smackhead; Des sups on some Weisbrau as he tries to matchmake Kris and Nancy
in other news
in addition to sickening sexual fantasies about his aunt, Duncan continues to steal her knickers. We are starting to really like him; Ricky is suspected of being a drug dealer and a smackhead, before being revealed to have an MS inflicted and grumpy arsed dad; Nancy ends her night like this; Evissa is somehow able to afford newspaper advertising; Kris has a large cock (according to a quip by Nancy – see below); Nancy’s tardis-like flat now accomodates Des, in addition to Nancy, Charlie and Elliot
quotes
“it’s london, not the flaming moon” Kath injects a rare bit of geographical realism to her and Theresa’s proposed move daan saaf.
“it’s not the first time you’ve been a big let down…well…a let down” backhanded insult from Nancy to Kris.
Tags:rhys, nancy, Josh, kris, random brands, weisbrau, ricky, Des, duncan, swoosh, special effects, the smiths, drink driving, kath
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