Posts Tagged ‘jack’
August 15, 2010
Look at the picture above. Look at his little face. This was the moment Jack invited Darren back into the fold, the loveliest moment to happen in Hollyoaks for a long time. Awww x about a million.
What’s more, this week’s Hollyoaks featured an amazing Darren and Duncan moment – crossing the streams of FUCKING FABULOUS when Duncan wore Darren’s kimono (whilst commando), whereas Darren himself simply stood around, semi naked and…glistening. Oh my.
We should point out that it was Duncan who enabled Darren, his and Barry the dog’s return to the Osborne-Dean homestead by simply being his perpetually hungry and rather adorable self. Aww, and he loves Darren.
Basically, the best thing in Hollyoaks for yonks.
“that’s me, psycho dad”
You’re not wrong, Carl Costello. A little bit over protective of your daughters aren’t you? A little bit over interested in their sex lives (or lack thereof)? A little bit Fritzl? Anyhoo, turns out that when he isn’t shagging Cheryl Cole lookalikes Carl is getting a bit medieval on the ass of any boy who attempts sexytimes with either of his grumpy daughters, manhandling chavs or crippling footballers. Even innocent bar stools cannot escape his fists of fury, witness his vicious attack on some pub furniture (it’s about 10 mins in). Clearly, he is not a man to mess with.
who’s the daddy?
We were very pleased to see Mitzeee return this week, getting grabby on Carl’s arse and eating toast provocatively.
More interestingly, we got a glimpse of her far less glam home life with Trish, her 39 year old harridan of a mother, and a distinctly mouldy bathroom.
MUCH more interestingly, it seems that Trish had a bit of Carl back in the day, hence her beef with Heidi and thus Mitzeee’s plan to stitch them up. Now, maybe we’ve just got a sick mind, Putz, but does that mean that Carl could potentially be Mitzeee’s dad? Surely not.
thievingmingers.com
You’re going to reap just what you sow. The McQueens would have done well to remember Lou Reed’s wise words. After necking £180 worth of booze in the Dog and legging it without paying, Jacqui, Myra and co returned home to find it ransacked by bondage hottie Veronica. That’s £17 worth of tat they will never see again. And Veronica turned out to be the Darth Maul lackey to Brendan’s Darth Sidous. We love him more every time we see him.
“are you serious?”
So said Lauren, on learning the manner of the Valentine’s cull. A fair question, as this turned out to be them forsaking life in sunny spain to go and live in Birmingham with Spencer in tow. Living the dream. Before they left they were given a round of applause by some McQueens and half a dozen randoms at Chez Chez. Yes. They were serious.
in other news
Whiney bitch Mal left (TFFT) and, as is Hollyoaks law, was replaced by another Irish – that be Lyndsey from Hollyoaks Later 2008; when she wasn’t smooching Bart and vexing her creepy dad, Jasmine was inexpertly hiding some underpants in her bag. We think they are hers; moustachioed irish dandy Brendan had a busy week enabling home robberies, decking Ste and tupping Mitzeee; we learn that Duncan snores like a bunged up donkey; Ste is sacked YET AGAIN by Tony; Rhys does a shit Chewbacca impression; The Loft is rebranded as Chez Chez; Mitzeee is fat – Bart’s grafitti plumbs the depths of depravity.
quotes
“Girls don’t just walk away from the Bart”, says Bart. As Jasmine walks away.
“We’re the yin and yang of mammals” Duncan and Barry. Yes they are.
Tags:annual cull, barry, bart, brendan, carl costello, chewbacca, chez chez, darren, darth maul, darth sidious, duncan, fritzl, jack, lauren, mitzeee, spencer, the dog, the loft, veronica
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »
March 3, 2010
so the Holly storyline itself took a back seat today and instead focussed on its repercussions.
jake under seige
after being accused of noncery on live TV, our fave peter sutcliffe in the making was beseiged by journos eager to see him perform some act of child cruelty, and was being blamed for every child disappearance in northern england (see below). And then fat mouthed titwitch Loretta upped and left him. Even we’re starting to feel a bit sorry for him now.
holy shit, there’s a kid storyline that doesn’t involve Tom!
Always keen to be the centre of attention, Steph and Tom managed to BTM the entire Holly issue, Tom running off and Steph shrieking about it like a harpie. Tom, next time do you fancy hiding further afield? Maybe somewhere like Quebec? And maybe stay there? Ta.
f-f-f-fashion
London fashion week may be over, but haute couture is still top of the agenda in the village, Jacqui sporting the most magnificent hoop earrings that resembled a dismantled event horizon and, following on from the striking jumper he wore yesterday, Jack modelled some classic sports casual knitwear.
in other news
Des is a sweetheart to Jacqui – though is it us, or does his accent get stronger and more unintelligible every day?; Elliot and Sheila get back together; Sheila uses her breasts as study aides for Elliot; retail HILARITY as India gets locked in the loo at Cincerity; Charlotte spends an entire day doing housework. Exciting stuff then.
Tags:jacqui, steph, tom, jack, Elliot, loretta, BTM, holly, jake, charlotte, Des, india, sheila, london fashion week, cincerity
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »
March 2, 2010
We kickstarted the week with a feast of both today’s ch4 episode and E4′s first look.
holly-okay bored now
We are rapidly starting to wish they’d skip to the end with this storyline. Tony escaped the clutches of the pOlice with out so much of a sniff of Red Riding-style torture. Holly is still alive and, quite frankly, being a bit of a cow, with shit taste in TV and films (Will and Grace/Hannah Montana the movie anyone?). And now she’s on the lam again. Same old, same old.
The drama seems to be settling into a certain cycle, a circle of life, if you will: Cindy blames Tony who blames Darren who blames Tony who blames Cindy who blames Jake. During which at some point either Tony, Darren or Jake get punched.
Holly, love, either come home or do one, we haven’t got all year.
like, soo Hollyoaks
it all got a bit post modern, ‘Oaks-within-the-’Oaks when Holly’s last moments were recreated, complete with a gloriously brassy fake Cindy and a caught-in-a-tryst fake Tony and Theresa.
the horror
Cindy continued to go sans make up and a decent dye job. Imagine that face appearing at your window in the middle of the night. Just imagine it.
be still my beating womb
Holly’s disappearance ignited barren Jacqui’s latent baby fever, reminding her of baby Max’s AWOL status. Cue lots of shouting at Des and a face that could curdle petrol. Eek.
beware: ongoing ‘comedy’ storyline
Now we kind of like Sheila. We thought she was slightly too good for that geek ponce Elliot. But her appearance as the new Halls Inspector made our hearts sink. cue HILARITY as she discovers the squalor of the students’ flat. LOL as she embarks on a bizarro film student moment Ghost/pottery/hoovering liaison with Dave. HA HA HA as she gets pissed in the SU bar. Sigh.
pass the Charlie
if that kid doesn’t grow up to be some kind of hammer wielding, beard wearing psychopath then we’ll eat our lap top. Nancy first palms him off to a disinterested Elliot, who quickly hands him over to Jake. You know, the man who tried to kill him. Jake then takes him for a bleak afternoon in the park, which has all the hallmarks of ending up, once again, in a car garnished with a hose. Nancy then reappears to shriek at Jake (what an idiot btw) and reclaim the surely by now dead inside child.
And did you see the clock made of barbie doll heads in Nancy‘s flat? What other nightmarish home furnishings does she have? A coffee table made of dead seagulls?
steph smug cow alert
= tangerine. She and Tom smug it up in a sickly step mum/step child bonding sesh as a distraught Cindy looks on.
in other news
Jack wears a fetching asymmetric stripey jumper; we notice, not for the first time, how cute Zack’s wink is in the opening sequence; Archie (where has he been of late? We’ve missed him) rocks up at the SU bar with posh totty sluts Persia and Paris on his arm – the latter of whom is pilfered by Charlotte
Tags:archie, baby charlie, barbie dolls, cindy, darren, holly, jack, jake, nancy, posh totty sluts, steph smug cow alert, tony
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »
January 23, 2010
Thanks to work, weddings (not ours) and Virgin Media apparently not loving the idea of allowing us access to television or broadband, our viewage of Hollyoaks has been sketchy of late. We have, however, done our best to learn what important life lessons we could:*
- the best way to deal with an anorexic with a serious case of the denials is to lock her in a room whilst others queue up to shout at her. Clearly one from the Airplane school of eating disorder treatment.
- bed bound anorexics vaguely resemble Regan in the Exorcist.
- it doesn’t matter how hot your vag is, illicit sex seshes will be rendered undesirable to your hot bald headed lover after a night of passive aggressive poker bonding with your cuckolded hubby.
- returning home from Canadia to find both of your surviving friends in hospital will leave you, understandably, looking a bit perturbed.
- Skins-style houseparties only exist in Skins. (take note, Anita)
- All Cindy and Tony have done for the first two months of their marriage is argue. Fact.
- Lollypop men are a fountain of advice about eating disorders and friends who may (or as it turns out, actually may not) be trying it on with your girlfriend
- Newt’s pretentious/apt ring tone is ‘supermassiveblackhole’
- A goth and a chav combine malevolent forces and the best they can come up with is locking someone in a cupboard.
- Chav princesses do not respond well to being locked in cupboards (see above) and, apparently, have an expiry date.
- invisible bees exist. and they can sting you.
- amount of time it takes for 2×2 pramface to lose interest in caring for her abandoned offspring in favour of a job at the local beauty emporium: approx. 36 hours.
- it is more desirable to falsely confess to being a cross dressing homosexual than it is to admit you use your aunt’s dirty knickers as wank enablers.
- the only career option for a ditzy artist type is to run of to paris to be the assistant/whore of a pretentious bearded artist man in a dodge Casablanca homage/rip off
- Elliot does not like French people. “They’re rude”.
- there is an apparent outbreak of superfertility in the village, with both Hayley and Cheryl’s eggos preggo. god help us all.
- ‘bubblegum’: Sasha and Lauren’s verdict on Cheryl’s look. (ours: pre-op) (joking, we love you Cheryl)
- epically dull love triangles involving Steph and Gilly/Max/Fernando/Niall/whoever will continue for what seems like eternity until, presumably, blood vessels are busting in our brains, spinal fluid is leaking from our eyes and we are screaming out for mercy.
- despite being the most interesting character, bonkers Myra Hindley lookalikes are strangely/criminally absent.
*note, much of this has probably changed/been resolved in the episodes we have missed. Or then again, maybe not.
Tags:airplane, Amy, anita, calvin, casablanca, cheryl, duncan, Elliot, french people, gaz, hayley, jack, lauren, leila, lydia, malachy, mercedes, myra hindley, rae, skins, steph, superfertility, supermassiveblackhole, the exorcist, virgin media, wine
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »
December 30, 2009
Catching up on last week’s action and it was dark times indeed in present day/non-flash Hollyoaks, not so much ho ho ho as ho ho holy crap that’s depressing as Theresa was yet again abandoned by her crack whore jailbird mum and Tony lamented his unhappy family past.
There was worse to come though. Darren, who tried to keep his spirits up with mince pies and an apparent obsession with Norway, still had to contend with his housemate going bonkers (more on that in a sec) and his family abandoning him to a lonely microwave xmas dinner and some cheap white wine. SOB!! Luckily (kind of), Steph, Jake, Fernando and Tom came to the rescue with a bit of xmas carol fun. Note to Hollyoaks: if Darren cries we cry. So stop it.
A happy-ish ending then. Not something that happened for poor Hannah though, who topped off a week of drinking neat vodka, vomming and general mental disintegration with the most depressing xmas dinner ever – gagging over the carrots as her mum wept and Rhys did that constipated look he does when he is worried about something. Anorexia back in town but apparently not able to admit it, Hannah was carted off to hospital as she sobbed. As did we.
So, thanks for that, Hollyoaks!
in other news
Mercy spends an ENTIRE EPISODE stressing over whether to give a pair of silken leopard print underpants to Malachy or loverboy Calvin; Newt and Rae (the world’s least interesting love story) continued to bicker – turns out Rae has a dead sister….a dead twin sister, who might actually be alive mebbees?; pikey xmas at the McQueens – a deck the halls tuned door bell and only four roasties for Des; Tom has an encounter with Santa aka Gilly in an Ann Summers santa costume
Btw, there was no Lydia, bar a text to Josh…we kind of miss her spooky face?
and the award for the most bizarro moment in Hollyoaks in a long time goes to….
Obviously, this being Hollyoaks there are a million contenders but we have to give extra special props to the Osborne-Dean’s demented xmas morning nativity reenactment…Jack as Joseph, Frankie as a knocked up Mary…. Utter genius
Tags:ann summers, anorexia, darren, frankie, hannah, jack, lydia, mercedes, nativity reenactment, newt, norway obsession, rae, rhys, theresa, tony, vomming
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
October 11, 2009
Jeez. We thought Hollyoaks Later was dark but that was nothing compared to this week’s Hollyoaks proper, so paranoid and intense it was like being trapped in a Dostoyevsky novel.
There was the aftermath of Sarah’s death (how sweet was Elliot’s rememberings of Sarah’s Dr Who-themed wooing of him?), Jake’s shock return to the village and, of course, Newt’s descent into shrieking madness. Not quite what we had in mind for a relaxing Sunday morning viewing.
Heroes of the week
Jack: he may be a grumpy ex-publican with a criminal record and a dodgy ticker, but Jack was a ledge this week. Be it taking care of Charlie, counselling Lauren, defending Jake or running/diving to the rescue of Newt, he was a one-man fighting force on behalf of other people’s offspring.
Eli: it’s a sign of the times when an imaginary friend is the voice of reason, but the afro’d one really looked out for Newt. Admittedly it was he who came up with the idea of mugging the old lady (and let’s face it the old cow prob deserved it), but he was onto Rae immediately – and had the good sense to attempt to batter her to death with a lump of wood. Things wern’t looking too good for him by the end (he looked pretty dead under the water there) but knowing Eli he’ll be back soon. Loved his anguish at being likened to a gay Penfold too.
Kris: his hardman act a couple of weeks ago left us unconvinced, but this week he seemed more than capable of taking out Jake in protection of Nancy. Aww.
Archie: other than Kris, the one person who seemed to give a monkeys about Zoe’s wrongful imprisonment. And he shouted at Lydia. Hooray.
Villains of the week
Jake: being locked up in an asylum for a year or so doesn’t seem to have stopped Jake being all creepy and intense, or weirdly obsessed with baby Charlie. Smashed up Darren’s flat too, which we say is simply not on. As mentally unhinged, sexual deviants go we prefer John Stape.
Rae: a morbid, alter-emo with a death wish and way too much eye make up. Does it get any more sinister than that? A manifestation of Newt’s feelings of hopelessness and despair, Rae took the whole ‘imaginary friend’ thing to a whole new level by have a bit of sexy fun with Newt. Um. We could say something rude and inappropriate about this. But we wont. Anyhoo, a great alternative baddie, she was last seen swaying eerily under the water, a goth siren calling Newt to his death. We hope she comes back.
Loretta: she is like one of those crazy bints you read about in Chat magazine who end up marrying the Yorkshire Ripper in prison. You crazy pole dancer you!
Mike and Lydia: Boo hiss! Myra Hindley did a great line in mental, playing the grieving widow and babbling about she and Sarah adopting orphans, or something. Worse for poor old Zoe was the DILF declaring that she should ‘rot in hell’. After the tearful grief sex she gave him last week we think that is downright rude.What a betch. Also, like her two children and the attempted abduction of one of them by psychos, the untimely demise of her sister was also not good enough reason for Amy return to the village. Huh!
Quotes:
“Why were you going away with two lesbians in the first place?” Zoe’s mum asks a pertinent question.
“There he is!” Jack and Frankie react to seeing their runaway mentally ill adoptive child by screaming and running after him.
Darren: “Be careful you dont cut your throat”
Jake: “Or yours?” The Osborne-Dean stepbros bond.
“Who hits a door?” another pertinent question, this time from Darren, on Jake’s flat mashing
“I’m hiding from the dark aswell, its scratching at the door trying to get in” Newt gets, like, deep as he explains his state of mind (or lack thereof) to Rae.
OMG moment
The entire end sequence, with Newt, Rae and Eli all lost under the water. Beautiful, haunting, unbearably tense (would Newt survive? Did he want to?), up there with Sarah’s death scene as the best thing Hollyoaks has done in ages.
So yeah. What a week. Cant wait to watch tonight’s X-Factor for some light-as-souffle, free of tragedy fun. Oh.
Tags:Amy, archie, baby charlie, chat magazine, DILF, dostoyevsky, eli, grief sex, jack, jake, kris, loretta, lydia, newt, penfold, rae, sarah, the omnibus, x factor, yorkshire ripper, Zoe
Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »
December 14, 2008
We caught friday’s E4 first look:
Alien alert
Theresa exhibited the most extravagant alien ‘do yet. All she needs now is acid for blood, though given the corrosive affect she has had on Tony’s life we suspect she has acid for other body fluids (metaphorically that is).
We are not liking her lack of truthfulness re. telling Tony her real age pre-shag. Just tell the truth you little titwitch! And what is with weird lumpiness on her chin? Punishment from a vengeful Hollyverse?
Fists of fury
Post Theresa-gate, Tony is now a broken man. His knight in shining armour is Russ who took it upon himself to visit Jacqui to appeal to her less scally side and asked her to drop the charges, fruitlessly it seems. What did he get for his troubles? A punch in the face off Tony. How rude.
Silly billy Gilly
Didn’t tell Ash about his savage chav velociraptor attack yesterday. So Gaz is still roaming the streets, dishing out beatings and condiment-related injuries at will. Somebody stop this madman! Meanwhile, Ash tried to give a poor emasculated Gilly a little confidence boost by bribing sexpot and everyone’s fave metaphorical punch-bag Cindy to chat him up…
Bad day for Cindy
As we tweeted, she had (no doubt unintentional) two-toned hair and was shut down by both Gilly and Ash within the space of five minutes. Gutting. Won’t everyone stop being so horrible to her?!
Joy of joys…
We got to see Darren and Jack when Frankie and Newt went to visit them in Chester gaol. It was a glorious moment to see Darren again – and jail seems to suit him, he looks quite dashing with his musketeer-style tache. We were even treated to one of his sweet convos with Newt about the little emo’s erectile dyfunction. “Do whatever it takes” Darren, somewhat irresponsibly, advised. Aww.
Jack, however, was not looking too chipper – all bruised and haunted. Has the ex-copper been getting the beats in jail and possibly worse? Has he been picking up the soap perchance?
Eh??
When did Dom go to Mexico?
In other news
Cooking, barman, property manager…Cindy lists Gilly’s many talents…aspirational; Ash looks hot; Calvin is now the one-man crime fighting force of the village; Holly’s nativity is cancelled for something a little bit more multi-faith so Carmel has decided to stage the villages very own. God help us all.
Tags:alien hairdo, ash, body fluids, calvin, carmel, chester gaol, chester PD, cindy, darren, dom, E4, erectile dysfunction, first look, gilly, holly, jack, newt, punchbags, russ, the alien, theresa, theresa-gate, tony, underage shagging, velociraptors
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »
October 19, 2008
OMG-ing with excitement, we settled down to watch the E4+1 omnibus all set for McQueen death and carnage. So… was it worth the wait?
Well…after months of burgeoning evilness, Vile Niall finally kicked off his evil masterplan to wreak revenge on his abandoner of a mother and her antagonising brood….and wasn’t it a little bit rubbish?
Our reasoning for this is as follows:
Lack of death!
The murder of Father Kieron must have been a fluke, because his Vileness revealed himself to be a suprisingly inept killer. Perhaps it was being robbed of spiked random brand beer, his weapon of choice, but he seemed to have lost his mojo! He failed to kill Jack, even though he was armed with a metal bar and Jack is, well, old. He failed to kill ANY McQueens with the numerous explosives he had positioned around St Eustaces – Tina’s death via collapsing floor/falling masonry was sheer luck and his own death can hardly count. For what we expected to be an annual cull it was a most disappointing bodycount.
Lack of torture
With all of the McQueens (including guest appearance by John Paul – how exactly did he get there?) trussed up like turkeys for a xmas dinner-related slaughter, Niall had ample opportunity to mess with their heads and body parts. But despite a rather effective game of pick-which-child-should-die (see below) and ‘fessing up to Father Kieron’s murder, Vile Niall just kept crying. Why didn’t he stop being such a big girls blouse and start gutting them like fish?
Lack of attention to detail
He managed to snatch the McQueens off the streets in broad daylight. He managed to hide their disappearences with a cunning use of text messages and pink post it notes. He managed to construct a network of remote controlled explosives strong enough to destroy an entire church. He even managed to snatch John Paul from his bumfun lovenest in Dublin (again – how did he get there??!). Such careful planning – then why leave the newspaper article containing a massive clue as to the whereabouts of his evil scheme just lying around for potential meddlers to find? That his plan was foiled by the crime-fighting superforce of Chuckle brothers-esque Tony and Dom, Jack and Darren is particularly shameful.
Worst CGI pigeons EVER
Fluttering out of St Eustaces, post-explosion, they were marginally more realistic than Jar Jar Binks.
It’s not all bad news though, there are a lot of things we liked:
Boom!
The explosion, dodge CGI pigeons aside, was very cool.
Myra’s choice
Only the Vile Niall we know and love could have come up with the fanastically evil and cruel game of Question Myra, where a wrong answer would result in the death of one of her children. Four wrong answers and, while John Paul and Mercy selflessly offered themselves for slaughter, Niall forced his mumsy to select the other two. What a shocker, wouldn’t like to be at McQueen dinner table after that one…
Repercussions – mwah ha ha haaa!
It may have had a pitiful body count, but the St Eustaces incident could have potentially devastating fallout: Jack’s aliveness has been revealed to the world, so a shitstorm is on the way for him, Darren, Frankie, Charlie and poor incarcerated Newt; Russ has literally been left holding the baby; the McQueens and Dom have to cope with the death of Tina; Jacqui, whose birthday truly did suck, has to cope with a) Mercy’s confession that she shagged Tony and b) that her own mother handpicked her to die.
For the McQueens in particular things aren’t ever going to be the same again, so perhaps Vile Niall did fulfil some of his evil potential. Hurrah!
All in all, we give it a B-.
Tags:cgi pigeons, evil agenda, jack, jacqui, kieron, mercedes, niall, st eustaces, Tina, tony
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »
October 5, 2008
Suffering from a hangover of almost biblical proportions we settle down for a morning of the ‘Oaks and the T4 omnibus.
Team hiv goes public
So Malachy’s secret was revealed and poor Mercy learned of her potential dead woman walking status. Gut wrenching stuff. We must say that Malachy got off lightly with a beating off typhoid mary and a telling off by Zack. His treatment of Mercedes has been rather dispicable, seemingly on a mission to pump her with as much of his poisoned seed as possible. King of the CWs we say!
Six degrees of the hiv
Tony’s concern that he might have caught the hiv during his ONS with Mercy showed us the full potential of team hiv. Thanks to Mercy’s fairly comprehensive scoresheet and the share and share alike attitude of the McQueens, the hiv could have stretched far and wide if Mercy had met Malachy earlier. Par example: if Tony caught the hiv then Jacqui would have the hiv. Go back even earlier then Mercy’s ex hubby Russ could have the hiv, which would then mean Tina could have the hiv – and therefore Dom too. If we are back that far then Warren could have the hiv, which means Lady Macbeth and Mandy aswell! And then there is Ravi (and so Nancy), Rhys (and thus Beth – which wouldn’t trouble her too much obviously)…the list goes on! A village united by the hiv! A very fun parlour game, we suggest you play it at home and let us know if we have missed anyone!
Crossing the streams of insanity
Two worlds of bonkersness collided when Newt was finally brought into the loop about the Jack’s fake death scheme. Young Newt wasn’t having too good a time of it anyway, with his adoption being rejected by his mystery junkie mum and Lauren being horrible to him so he was perhaps not in the best frame of mind to learn that his dead foster dad was infact alive and living in the loft (though at least he didn’t catch Frankie and Jack in their tantric/sensual massage love nest – this would have broken his mind forever). Luckily, Eli was on hand – to mind bending effect (see OMG moment below) – and he has a plan… Yay!
Evil update
And the update is – there was been no evil at all! Instead of developing his evil agenda Vile Niall is instead playing happy families with Steph, having bonding picnics with Tom – rubbish! WE DEMAND EVILNESS NOW!!!
In other news
Darren switches his trademark mesh vest for a basketball vest.
Myra gets ‘tach removal cream in her eye
Amy finally reveals the truth of evil Leah’s non-Ste parentage to an understandably nonplussed DILF and Josh.
Park, car, graveyard: Darren’s suggestions for shagplaces with Cindy.
Sign language lady sports a fetching bob
WHY? – some existential graffiti on the village bus stop
Quotes
“I was frightened…I didn’t want to ruin what we had” Malachy explains why he has spent the last few weeks knowingly pumping Mercy full of his poisoned seed. Hmm…
“Tell him it was all a dream, fill him full of medication, sit back and have a jug of sangria” Darren’s foolproof plan for how Frankie can explain Jack’s aliveness to Newt and all live happy ever after in spain.
Film student moments
Russ, Myra and Amy staring at non existent photos.
Crazy fake gameshow hosted by Tony and starring team hiv, Tina and Russ and the Amy/Josh/Ste triangle.
Cute blink-and-you’ll-miss-it flashback of happier times, as Amy kisses Josh.
OMG moment
OMG/film student moment crossover when Jack morphs into Eli!
Tags:mercedes, Amy, schizophrenia, evil agenda, niall, jack, darren, newt, eli, poisoned seed, the hiv, typhoid mary, team hiv, jack fake death scheme, frankie, CW, malachy, tony
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »
September 17, 2008
E4+1 first look…
All by myself…
Poor Bambi is feeling sorry for himself, abandoned by John Paul, unwelcome at The Dog, in the dark about the Jack’s fake death scheme and nothing more than a comedy anecdote to ex Sarah. He spent the episode mooching around the village, fluttering those eyelashes. Poor lamb!
A day in the life of his Vileness
Where do we start? Still clad in his sinister leather jacket he offered his support to a confused John Paul. Then he was joined in Evissa by an even more confused Steph, who seemed to be after a bit of pickmeup sex but then fled when he tried to comfort her. Steph – not wise to prick tease a psychopath, pet. Anyhoo, understandably vexed but not one to dwell on this, Niall turned his attentions to further sabotaging baby bro John Paul’s love life by deleting a voicemail from Bambi and delaying their reunion by insisting on them spending some quality time together.
Understandably, spending time with John Paul only enraged the Vile one further, especially when JP revealed he was thinking of doing a runner with Bambi. How rude! As Niall went to all that effort to kill his ‘beloved’, John Paul could at least have the courtesy to grieve for several thousand years. But no, Bambi is JP’s LOML and Vile Niall is not happy about it. Scary snarling rottweiler not happy about it. Infact he is so not happy about it that he has reached for the pills and the random brand beer…eeek!!
In other news…
Sarah sports a weird gold coat/bag combo.
Poor Amy, more vulnerable than a basket full of baby bunnies, admits to the DILF that the Ste-shaped bun in her oven is younger than she told him, due to anti-beats lies she told Ste.
Michaela does a funny rodent impression of Ste.
OMG moment
Vile Niall begins to poison John Paul with spiked random brand beer!!!
Quotes
“It’s like when I mess up on the decks…there’s always tomorrow night” John Paul blithely analogises his relationship with Kieron. No wonder Vile Niall wants to kill him dead. We feel like giving him a hand!
Tags:Amy, bambi, baskets of baby bunnies, buns in ovens, craig, jack, jack fake death scheme, john paul, LOML, michaela, niall, pickmeup sex, random brand beer, sarah, sinister leather jackets, steph
Posted in niall | Leave a Comment »
What’s more, this week’s Hollyoaks featured an amazing Darren and Duncan moment – crossing the streams of FUCKING FABULOUS when Duncan wore Darren’s kimono (whilst commando), whereas Darren himself simply stood around, semi naked and…glistening. Oh my.
who’s the daddy? 
