So, the Holly storyline has been bubbling way for a while now hasn’t it? Rumours of suicide and moider were rife. The Hutch and Jake were suspects. We had been subjected to hours and HOURS of Cindy’s cosmetically barren wailing. So after all this, we expected to be rewarded with a mind blowing denouement. That’s not too much to ask, is it?
Which why we are baffled to report that the outcome of this month of high drama is that Holly is now in a coma after running into a wall. Yes, you read that correctly. The villain turned out to be A WALL.
Curse you, evil bricks!
More interesting, then, was Jake’s week, which can be summarised thusly: efforts as a child finder rejected, Loretta returns yawn, spots Holly, chases Holly into evil wall, carries Holly, is blamed for Holly’s misfortune AGAIN, Steph doubts him AGAIN, doused in smoothie by random chavs, receives suspicious phone calls, goes out to buy a bottle of wine and doesn’t return, wallet abandoned, wakes up in a caravan with a random woman and child….what the?
Yes, we’ve got to hand it to Hollyoaks – we didn’t see that one coming. Gloriously random. Bravo.
into every generation…
There was a distinctly Buffy theme running through last week’s episodes:
Curses and spells
Newt tries to cast a protection spell in order to free Rae from her gypsy curse and, more importantly, cop a feel.
time travel
One moment Tony is in the hospital being subjected to passive aggressive shrieking by Cindy, the very next scene he is in Il Gnosh serving cheap plonk and overpriced steaks to an ill advised McQueen double date. The Hutch’s powers know no bounds.
rubbish psychics
Cindy went to see a psychic called Deborah who promptly said Holly was dead. Dead inside maybe.
annoying ghosts
Tina kicks off from beyond the grave when Myra tries to use her hairdryer. Even death hasn’t stopped her being a whingeful betch.
ghostly apparitions
A while back we asked you to imagine what it would be like to see Cindy’s haunted un-made up face at your window, but now you don’t have to imagine it – this nightmare scenario happened for real this week, a definitely flirting Tony and Theresa getting the fright of their lives when they caught Cindy staring at them through the doors of Il Gnosh. The horror.
party partay
Duncan’s pimped up sweet 16 party was noteable for many reasons: the Wonka theme (complete with Oompa loopas); Duncan’s glorious furry leopard print suit; a guest appearance by Chipmunk: who he?; Steve, the camp/predatory nonce producer man and Theresa using the phrase ‘no one’s wanted to touch my base before’.
random brand watch
Jacqui reads Woman’s Way magazine
in other news
Darren (swoon) offers medical help for Holly the Holby City-way – a Girls Aloud CD; the THIRD disappearance storyline in one week, Evil Leah torments Ste by legging it. Is retrieved by Josh; Josh and Ste bond over stories of rubbish father figures; Jack disses Darren’s childhood badger finding abilities. Bitch; Newt is drawing a pornographic novel; Hannah postcards from Fiji; not for the first time, Mercedes takes her fashion inspiration from prostitutes in the mid 1970s; Ricky’s miserablist dad is found face down in a plate of spaghetti.
That’s your lot. Still WTFing about the wall.
Tags: mercedes, Tina, newt, tony, cindy, holly, jake, ricky, rae, buffy, duncan, evil wall, time travel, gypsy curse, badger finding, 1970s prostitutes, fiji, pornographic novels, chipmunk, willy wonka
