More excited than Darren let loose in a vest shop when the sales are on, we tune in for …Later, surely to be the greatest thing to ever happen to television?
New, foxy opening sequence
…featuring the Oaksers we can look forward to starring in it, plus some randoms (who dat old woman?) – and was that a hot Elliot we just spotted???!
There seems to be some distinct plot strands:
1. The Dirty Diegos hit the bigtime
A suddenly foul mouthed Josh (see the naughtiness counter below) discovers the Dirty Diegos have made into Battle of the Bands in Liverpool. He invokes the unholy triumbrate that is Amy, Sasha and a suddenly untraumatised Michaela. Much comedy ensues.
2. Girlie holiday, Carry On-style
Sarah, Nancy and Zoe take a mini break, complete with a continuity-friendly harking back to how Zoe was a ‘fat badger’ (in Sarah’s words), a catfight between Sarah and Zoe (our money’s on the fat lass) and an altercation with some random working class chavs. Much comedy ensues.
In other news: Zoe’s obvious dad complex is spotlighted when we discover that the DILF isn’t her first older gent – she shagged her paedogeddon teacher when she was an underage fattie. Slut!
3. The Deans get lost in Scottish cliches
Steph, Craig and Tom head to Scotland, complete with mountains, lochs, Monarch of the Glen-style music and local naturist nutter Peaty Pete. Much comedy ensues.
In other news: John Paul is still in Dublin, drowning his post battle of st eustace sorrows in his usual BTM way; Bambi is looking HOT!!!
4. The adventures of team hiv in Irish cliches
Kris and Malachy are in Belfast for their dad’s funeral, complete with Irish dancing, Irish ex-girlfriends and other things IRISH. Much comedy ensues.
In other news: random old bird in the opening sequence is revealed to be their mum, who sports a worrying There’s Something About Mary-style quiff, Kris outs himself, dolled up like Kylie; Malachy has booked the registry office for Friday for his potential marriage to the hivpit; is that an Irish random brand beer we spotted?!
7. Meanwhile, back in Chester…
Mercy gets all rose-tinted about her time with Malachy, complete with slo-mo black and white flashbacks. Hum. Perhaps that should have included a microscopic view of her blood cells under attack from the hiv, like the Jazz cell in the Voodoo Scat episode of the Mighty Boosh? Anyway, not much comedy ensues – infact she indulges in some icky toilet cubicle sex with a random (see below).
Happily, she dusts herself off (or at least has a shower, we hope) and is heading to Belfast to see her hiv enabler sweetheart, accompanied – for nebulous reasons – by Zack and Elliot. We are quite sure comedy will ensue.
8. A very special guest star…
Obviously, it wasn’t much of a surprise since it was shouted about so much in the trailer, but how our little hearts leapt at the sight of the Vile One creeping evilly around Steph’s old flat! Discovering her whereabouts via the magic of the interweb and then, through his sheer evillness, transporting himself to the Scottish highlands, we are hoping this all-new rugged and downright shaggable Niall is going raise some hell! Mwahhh ha haaa!
Later naughtiness
It is a law of the Hollyoaks’ spinoff that characters suddenly start using swearwords and flashing the odd bumcheek or boob. Here is tonight’s offerings blow by blow, so to speak:
09 minutes: Kris gives Malachy the finger
11 minutes: Josh says ‘shite’
12 minutes: Josh says ‘fan-fucking-tastic’
20 minutes: Malachy says ‘bullshit’
23 minutes: Irish ex girlfriend Cheryl says ‘hot sack of shit’
24 minutes: Josh says ‘you’re an ex crack whore’ about Sasha (truthfully, to be fair)
26 minutes: random chav at Zoe’s old school heckles ‘get your tits out’
28 minutes: the nekkid arse from the trailer indentified as Peaty Pete’s.
40 minutes: Mercy uses unsubtle euphemisms to pull random punter in the Dog – ‘something with a good head..’ etc
41 minutes: sex scene – Mercy in the loos with said random punter. Ick. You naughty hiv-stained sexaholic you.
46 minutes: Steph says ‘bollocks’
61 minutes: random working class chavs give the girls the finger. And deservedly so.
62 minutes: Malachy says ‘shit’
So, one episode in and we are loving it.
Tags: bambi, battle of st eustace, craig, hivpit, hollyoaks later 2008, icky toilet cubicle sex, kris, malachy, mercedes, monarch of the glen, paedogeddon, random brand beer, random working class chavs, randomness, spin off, steph, team hiv, the mighty boosh, there's something about mary
