Ah the wonders of technology. Those clever clogs at Channel 4 have only gone and put every episode of the Oaks on the interweb! So, ahead of tomorrow’s viewage of the Vile Niall flavoured omnibus (we feel an annual cull is on the way), WLH was able to catch up on last week’s events online. Awesome.
Niall gets vile
It started off so well. One minute VN was sweetness and light, bonding with Tom and being smoochie with Steph. One mislaid folder of evil later and he had been dumped, fired and involved in a close talking face-off with Warren! Seeking Myra for comfort, instead his rage was even further fuelled when she revealed she had given up her search for her long lost son. Storming out, Niall was nowhere to be seen until the very end (see OMG moment below). Looks like the evil agenda is back – the omnibus tomorrow is going to kick ass! (and may we just say how very fit the vile one looked when he got out of the shower? We so would!)
Don’t call me surely
After hiding out in a basement with Eli, runaway Newt was coaxed back to the Dog by Darren. After lying to the rather attractive and well spoken police officer called in by Frankie when he went missing, Newt apparently took his anti-Eli pills. Which can only be a good thing, since Eli was up for hatching murderous Jack-focused plans. So the pills will have put an end to that, surely?
Team hiv: minus one member
Kris learned that he is officially hiv-free, leaving only Malachy and typhoid Mary as the only participants in hivfest ‘08. Malachy tried once again to explain to Mercy his reasoning behind pumping her full of poisoned seed. Still not the most convincing argument!
I got 99 problems…
Whispery voiced Warren had a trying week. The police are sniffing around in search of Nige. Co-Nige-murderer Calvin is a gibbering wreck. Wife to be Louise is increasingly schizo, sober and contrite one minute, a wine fuelled harpy the next. Luckily for him Mandy was on hand to provide some illicit solace. Naughty naughty!
Louise alchohol counter
She briefly flirted with the alien concept of teetotalism, but happily that didn’t last long:
Red wine: bottle x 2 = 18 units
White wine: large glass x 1 = 3 units
Hardcore.
Random brand beer watch
Warren enjoys a bottle of biergrad in the Loft.
In other news
Steph and Tom hit the high road.
Michaela confesses her love to the DILF and gets the knock back!
Lauren’s ‘fro goes totally wild
Gilly opens Relish burger bar, which has suddenly and quite inexplicably appeared in the middle of the village.
Calvin leaves poor Carmel to go off and wallow in Nige guilt.
Quotes
“You never answered my text”, Warren feels neglected by Calvin. He’s just not that into you!
Comic book mania: Lizard Boy starring Newt and Eli; weird pirate superhero Captain Clements starring Vile Niall and a latex-clad bionic Barnsey for Michaela’s viewing pleasure.
Eli disappears in the blink of an eye. So cool!
An omnipotent Vile Niall observes Mandy/Louise/Warren triangle, Michaela mooching over the DILF etc, speaking ominously straight the camera. It was like he was speaking directly to us!
The McQueen rubix cube. Sure to be on everyone’s xmas list.
Vile Niall steals Mercedes!!!
Tags: annual cull, calvin, carmel, close talking, eli, evil agenda, film student moment, folder of evil, gilly, interweb, kris, lauren, louise, malachy, mandy, mercedes, newt, niall, poisoned seed, random brand beer, team hiv, warren, whispering, wine, wine rage
